不要沉醉在自己的世界

有人問, 點解要離開美國? 點解要買返香港既機票?
我只回答四個字: 面對現實.


有人問, 其實你自己想點? 你講一套做一套!
我回答不了.


我發現其實要做好一件事, 我確實可以做到. 例如: 我要做好一份project, 我會deadline前做好. 我要去買野, 我會去買. 我要執屋, 我頂唔順就真係會執屋. 基本上, 我從來唔認同講一套做一套.


不過, 偶爾也會有例外.


這兩三個月畢業後的經歷, 令我再次了解自己其實是一個怎樣的人. 我曾經認為我是爛泥, 也曾經因為自己會成為major裡最有用的人. 人生總經歷高低起跌, 我明白.


但今日我想share係一個畢業後既故事, 當作一個紀錄.
由唔知何時開始, 我開始鍾意analyse 人的反應. 就好似心戰入面既靳兆楠.  可能其實以前打麻雀我都好鍾意analyse其他人的反應一樣而去睇其實佢副牌點樣. 呢個係關於我同x小姐既故事, 故事一開始, 我已經清楚明白自己的方向. 我好清楚自己的角色. 無論你認同又好, 唔認同都好, 角色係由我自己來定. 其實我對x小姐既assumption一直都無變, 立場一直都無變. 直至今日, 依然無變. 所謂講一套做一套, 可能係我對角色有太大期望, 而做成的錯誤. 我相信x小姐去到今日依然無變, 大家其實好清楚自己想點. 我曾經給予x小姐好多既機會推翻我既assumption, 好可惜, 2個月後的今日, 我無assume錯. 我既analyze亦都到此為止.
我今日想將呢個故事share, 唔係要向任何人revenge, 係我知道呢個角色已經徹底失敗, 故事也應該完結. 角色失敗既始末就係其他人開始討論我既性格...等等. 其實如果大家由此至終都認真咁相信我, 當睇戲咁睇, 我根本唔會本能反應地去response你地一個二個對我既"回應". 
心戰講過, 真相和謊言根本唔重要, 最重要係我地相信甚麼! 我相信自己我更加相信真相! 有人話, 我當局者迷, 我相信我比任何人清楚自己既角色同做緊咩事. 有日行街, 一句"You only fail to learn, but not learn to fail" 更加肯定自己當初的角色.  
我承認曾經將x小姐當作以前女朋友看待. 不過, 人總需要move on, 我從來唔係一個企定定既人, 我知道我已經沉醉在自己的世界2個月. 玩完了!


3首歌: 

陳柏宇-拍一半拖 (太多選擇了!)

明知你只懂得愛自己　誰都似會更配得起你 

請體恤彼此一般孤單　這給你是愛無需奉還 
就算我在必須不需之間　誰怪你抱著去揀

關楚耀 – 我還是甚麼 (一個答案, 三次答覆, 多謝你令這個世界沒有失望)

何不講得你清我楚　從此世界沒有失望

古巨基-戀無可戀 (再等? 我的時間並不是用來等人. )

已經戀到無可戀慕後　換到同情才罷休
跨出這條界線　怎去善後
也許這種愛剛足夠　
笑著承認愛錯
無怨地分手

朋友　別引誘

6/10 就好像剛剛winter 畢業! 重新開始

告一段落

不理這世界多罕有　反正只愛伴你夢遊
再碰上運氣都不及你
做夢每天跟你　種下長期盛放的薔薇
無數夜晚共你欣賞天氣

無奈告一段落　短促的幻覺
從某月某日再不奢望會有結果
繼續愛下去於可　有趣　伴侶漸覺累
怎麼會也剩低一片焦土
存著什麼　問題為何會越多
失去預計怎料　我共你在一夜之間分割
沒有昨天的知覺　承認我已經不懂開口
直到吻下去　才發現已放手

回味每一秒　浮現那天雨中糾纏
等不到結局最後某夜各自甦醒
過後遺下再無人到過的家　痕跡被滅去
留下像褪色多天的心痛眼瓷@長久(從此)裝飾下去＊

不怕灰暗伴你逗留　跟你走到異國盡頭
怕欠缺力氣捉不住你
日落縱使不美　卻像藏著獨有的奧秘
才會讓我共你　不捨不棄

I really think I need to stop. I really want to end this because it's not gonna work. This is a good song I don't want to deal with any emotions and relationships anymore I just want to stay calm waiting for my graduate school results. I know I have to go back to Hong Kong I don't want to go back who I was originally or 4 years ago. Life is already tiring I don't think I deserve something like this. I want something chill and normal. Yeah. I agree I was lonely and I want to stick with someone else but it made no sense to me when I knew I lost many friends and classmates and was doing something really stupid. I knew there would be no "outcome" at the end because everything is too late too late. I hate being indecisive. I guess you know I am indecisive too that's why you think I would stick around with you?
On the other hand, I have trust issue too. I am pretty sure I don't really trust what people telling me. I prefer what I feel and what I see from my eyes. Yes. I like guessing and analyzing people. This is so true because everything that i guessed and analyzed still fits. I don't think I got anything wrong this time. But thanks I think you just need more time to deal with your life too. I saw what you were saying about geography, however, I can't ask myself to trust you even you told me you were awake to study...this is so lame because i couldn't believe even one small thing from you. I guess you just lied too much in the past. I tried to trust you but my mind doesn't allow me to do it. haha this is really funny. I am just free writing on my blog.

I really hope Master of Science from both school would accept me because I still think I am a Science people after six years! :D