很久在這裡沒留下文字了...其實一直以來都有很多話想留低,但忙了過後又忘記!
在UCLA的生活無風無浪的渡過了半年了,說是無風又怎能起浪, 生活是有點平淡但總算過得去!
Fraternity的生活讓我體驗到American culture, 雖然我未能真正認識交心的朋友, 閒時又會狂想是否一個錯誤的決定, 但是半年的生活我接觸到的並非只是alcohol或party, 真正意會到的是white和asian的生活可以有很大的分別, 我相信如果我當真進了一個全white的fraternity, 我相信我會比現時更可憐. 不只是沒有普通朋友, 還可能比歧視-- (這是我個人問題, 因為我明白自己的溝通方法, 變相自己歧視自己)
"朋友是講求緣份, 所以隨緣啦! 不要執著!"-阿媽
Winter Quarter 我認識了幾位新朋友, 他們都是香港人, 亦是首次跟這幾位朋友有多一點點的接觸. 大慨是因為大家課堂一樣, 見面多了接觸便多了. 我其實很開心能夠認識這幾位新朋友, 可惜的是, 有些事情卻令我很沮喪.
"想交上真心, 兩步又停止"-有故事的人 鄭欣宜
若果我真是想跟你交朋友, 我是認真的交個心出來. 雖然老實話現在真的很難認識真心朋友, 但我會努力嘗試. 因為經歷了22年的人際生活, 有時總會想到關於付出和收獲的問題. 當然, 其實我蠻介意收獲的, 因為我也希望自己的付出是值得的.
我心裡想: 我真的很想有一位明白自己而且話題能夠相近的朋友.
我重視他成為我的好朋友, 甚至害怕失去這個能夠讓我暢談,沒有面具和隔膜, 令我舒服的朋友. 我以為找到了卻原來是個桔.
朋友是需要經歷和互相的付出,我給了自己很多的藉口說要給這段友情多一點的努力和付出, 不要輕易放棄, 少少挫折等於激勵. 因為在這個年頭找到一個跟自己這麼類近的人真的很少. 而且我可以真誠地交朋友. 我曾經感到自己很矛盾. 但再多的付出和機會也會因為一次又一次的誤會和種種原因, 而變成放棄.
很多人以為我會因為某些事情而惱恨一個人長時間, 其實我很快就可以將事情凋淡. 我可以將一件事當作沒發生過的一樣, 因為我明白友情的可貴, 但是也需要別人的珍惜.
我會很想知道別人有沒有視我為朋友, 當我知道答案時, 我會明白我以後的路需要怎樣走.
雖然答案可以很殘酷, 但卻令我可以有清晰的方向.
Spring quarter 又是重新出發的時候... ...
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
While I am watching undi run outside the libt...
I really want to type this out...
There is always something that you really care about, while there is something that you don't really care.
When you really care about a person, while this person doesn't really care about you.
While you really want this person to be your bff, this person doesn't really want to be your bff.
For the 22 years of my life, I hate being ignored. Being ignored means "you actually knew it but you just pretend nothing happened"
My early years of high school life was a disaster. I was being ignored without any prior notice. I didn't know any reason when I was being ignored. I didn't know what I did wrong.
And, Yes! Every time when I was being ignored, it reminds me the disaster in my high school.
I am not a person that get "seriously" pissed easily because I know it's not easy to get "recover" for the friendship. I usually get "seriously" pissed when I bear some kind of situation for a while. When I get "seriously" pissed, I will say all the shit to my friend. If my friend never listens to me, he/she will no longer to be my friend because it's really tired to have a friendship like this.
I tried hard. I tried really hard. But being ignored is just something I can't stand or bear. Sorry!
Maybe it's hard to understand my feeling.
Anyway, I really learn a lesson in this quarter. And thanks for bringing that horrible disaster feeling back to me recently! :P
There is always something that you really care about, while there is something that you don't really care.
When you really care about a person, while this person doesn't really care about you.
While you really want this person to be your bff, this person doesn't really want to be your bff.
For the 22 years of my life, I hate being ignored. Being ignored means "you actually knew it but you just pretend nothing happened"
My early years of high school life was a disaster. I was being ignored without any prior notice. I didn't know any reason when I was being ignored. I didn't know what I did wrong.
And, Yes! Every time when I was being ignored, it reminds me the disaster in my high school.
I am not a person that get "seriously" pissed easily because I know it's not easy to get "recover" for the friendship. I usually get "seriously" pissed when I bear some kind of situation for a while. When I get "seriously" pissed, I will say all the shit to my friend. If my friend never listens to me, he/she will no longer to be my friend because it's really tired to have a friendship like this.
I tried hard. I tried really hard. But being ignored is just something I can't stand or bear. Sorry!
Maybe it's hard to understand my feeling.
Anyway, I really learn a lesson in this quarter. And thanks for bringing that horrible disaster feeling back to me recently! :P
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